Aladdun in Nasira's Revenge
by The-Atrocious-Aladdin-Parody
Summary: Aladdun wakes up after a huge party involving a lampshade and an inflatable dinosaur and must go on a quest to kill Nasira for taking 'his' throne. R/R Flaming is WELCOMED :D The author deserves it for writing this HORRIBLE story. Make him sorry!
1. Chapter 1

**Note:****I do not intend to bash any character. Everyone in the parody has MAJOR issues. Aladdin (or AladDUN ) characters (c) Disney. **

**CHAPTER 1:**

Aladdun was passed out on the sofa, exhausted from last night's party. A lampshade was even over his head, covering his entire face. Lipstick was smeared all over the walls and someone crashed their car through the door. A giant inflatable dinosaur wearing a bikini was in a corner. Worst of all, a chicken was wandering around the room, pecking the floorboards, creating tiny holes. I wish I was invited, it must had been a great party.

Genie suddenly appeared out of nowhere and tried to shake Aladdun awake.

"Al, Al, wake up! Come on, Al, we got a major problem here!" the genie nagged.

Aladdun opened his eyes, but the lampshade was over his head. "AHHH!!!", he screamed. "I'VE GONE BLIND!" The street rat panicked for a moment until Genie removed the lampshade. Aladdun squinted his eyes for a moment, adjusting to the light.

"What's with waking me up?!" Aladdun yelled at Genie. "I was having a good dream. Me and Jasmine were getting kinda close and-"

"AL!" Genie yelled, his blue face turning red. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!"

Aladdun was stunned. Genie NEVER turned red. "What are you talking about?" he asked.

Genie pulled out a flier and presented it to Aladdun. Aladdun took it, but didn't read it. Instead he looked at Genie. "What the hell is this?"

Genie sighed. "According to this flyer, you are wanted for disturbing the peace, vandalization, theft, gambling, speeding, shoplifting, jaywalking, public intoxication, fighting in public, littering, traffic offenses, lying to children about the Easter Bunny, cheating on homework, being a jerk, and murder."

Aladdun was furious. "I never did any of those things!" Aladdun crossed his arms and turned away.

Genie smacked his forehead. "From what I remember, you played your radio too loud. You drew graffiti on Rasoul's house. You stole a chicken. You gambled all of your savings away. You drove your car too fast and crashed it. You stole a lampshade, a bikini, an inflatable dinosaur and a lot of lipstick. You jay walked through a busy intersection and caused an accident. You got drunk outside of the pub and started screaming obscenities at small children. You also lied to them about the Easter Bunny being real. You fought a bear in public. You dropped a piece of paper on the ground. You didn't pay your speeding tickets. You cheated on your math homework. You were mean to me and you murdered someone."

Aladdun scowled. He was right. "Well...maybe I did a little of those things..." Genie rolled his eyes. "But I never killed anyone!"

Genie looked sad. "Look at the flier" he said. "You didn't murder anyone." Genie paused for a dramatic effect. "You KILLED someone."

Aladdun was horrified. "You don't mean-"

"Shhhhhh!" Genie hissed, pressing a finger to his lips. "Everytime we speak his name, someone DIES!"

Aladdun nodded and looked at the flier. He saw the list of his crimes but then something else. "By royal decree from the new rule of Agrabah, Nas-" Aladdun stopped. He tilted his head. "Na-na-na-" He couldn't sound it out.

Genie looked at the paper. "Nasira!" he finished for Aladdun.

Aladdun was confused. "Nazzzzziiirrrraaaa..." he tried. "Nazira! Nasira!" Aladdun grinned. He got it. He deserved a medal.

The street rat kept on reading. "Aladdun is to be brought to the palace, dead or alive." Aladdun gasped. He didn't want to die.

"Who's Nasira?" he asked.

"The new ruler of Agrabah, dummy."

"But, I thought once the Sultan died, I would be king!" Aladdun cried. "Jasmine never told me she was going to give it to someone else." Tears went down his face. "I wanted to make my father proud!"

Genie tried to make him feel better. "Your father is proud of you anyway", he said gently.

Aladdun shook his head. "Let me show you a flashback."

**FLASHBACK**

_Eight year old Aladdun came home from school, beaming with pride. He passed his math test. He ran to show his father._

_"Look, daddy!" the boy yelled. "I made a B!"_

_Aladdun's father looked at his son sternly. "My boy!" he said to his son. "Why aren't you the ruler of Agrabah yet?_

_Aladdun looked confused. "I'm only eight and a fourth! I'm too young to rule Agrabah!"_

_Aladdun's father shook his head, disappointed. "My boy, you will be a failure to me if you do not take your rightful place as the Sultan!"_

_The boy looked sad. "But I want to be a lumberjack!"_

_"MY BOY!" screamed Aladdun's father. "You will be Sultan!" Aladdun's father grabbed his coat and suitcase and turned to Aladdun. "My boy, I am leaving! You are now the man of the house."_

_The boy sobbed. "But I can't even reach the doorknobs. I can't get out of my room without you to open the doors!"_

_Aladdun's father smiled. "My boy, make me proud. You'll be the best Sultan on earth!" Before heading out the door, he waved at his crying son. "My boy, remember, if you tell your mother that I'm gone, I'll hunt you down and cut off your nose." :)_

_"But she's dead."_

_"Then you shall keep your nose."_

_And he was gone forever._

_Aladdun spent the next three days trapped in his home. Finally robbers broke into the house. Aladdun escaped while they stole all of the food and water. And from that day on, Aladdun vowed to become Sultan._

**END OF FLASHBACK**

Genie stared at Aladdun with a look of disbelief.

"Nevermind, we have to find Jasmine and scream at her." Aladdun said, grabbing his sword.

"What do you need the sword for?" Genie asked.

"In case Zombies attack, duhhhh!" Aladdun replied. "Now, to the palace!"

**And the adventure begins...**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2:**

Aladdun checked around to see if the coast was clear. When it was, he came outside of his home and headed towards the palace, careful to keep a low profile. Genie followed him, while Abu sat on Aladdun's shoulder. Iago flew behind them. The city seemed quiet, barely anyone was outside. Except for the men, women, and children. But everyone else was inside.

The guards were patrolling the area, so Aladdun had to be extra careful. But sadly, he wasn't careful enough.

"HEY!" a fat guard yelled. "That street rat just peed on me!"

"Isn't that Aladdin?" another guard asked.

"No idiot, it's Aladdun!" another fat guard said, feeling smart.

"LET'S PUMBLE HIM!" the guards screamed. And they charged after Aladdun.

Iago was furious. "You had to pee on the guard didn't you?" the parrot snapped.

"It wasn't my fault! I couldn't hold it anymore!" Aladdun whined.

The group kept on running until Aladdun had an idea. An awful one.

"I have an idea!" Aladdun proclaimed, pointing his finger in the air. He stopped running and grabbed his sword. He turned around and charged at the guards, waving his sword around.

"What is that idiot doing?" Genie sighed. "He's dead for sure!"

The guards grabbed Aladdun and kicked the sword out of his hand. After a lecture about safety with sharp objects, they spanked him. "Tsk, tsk, you know better than to run with swords." the guards said. After ten spankings, they then beat him to a bloody pulp with their fists. Aladdun was on the ground, twitching. Bored, the guards left him to die. They would come back later and bring the body to Nasira.

As soon as they were gone, Aladdun dipped his hand in the blood on the floor and brought it to his mouth. "Mhmmmm....this ketchup is good! I'm not hungry anymore!" While the group watched in disgust, Aladdun managed to eat all of the blood on the ground. Miraculously, he recovered instantly.

"So" Aladdun said getting up. "Shall we continue?"

They continued. Until they ran into an extremely fat guard who was blocking the entrance.

"Move" Aladdun snapped.

"NO ONE GOES PAST ME" the guard said proudly.

"Listen, whale-man, you better move your ass or I'll stick this sword up your-"

"I'll sit on you." the fat guard warned.

"What do we do?" Aladdun sadly asked Genie. "I'm going to cry if we don't get through."

"Don't" Genie murmured. The genie remembered very well what happened the last time Aladdun cried. When he cried, he would squeal so loud that half of the city lost their hearing. The sultan forbade Aladdun to cry every again.

"I know how you guys could get past." someone said.

The group turned to see a baker selling pies. "What?" the group asked in unison.

The baker smiled. "Buy a pie and give it to him. Then he'll move."

Aladdun gave him some coins. The man gave him a pie.

"Now listen, closely." the baker said. "These are bomb pies, that means the guard will explode when he eats them."

"So we could use the entrance whenever we want?" Aladdun asked eagerly.

"Exactly"

Aladdun thanked him and presented the pie to the guard. The guard sniffed it and then ate it in one bite.

He died on the spot. His blood and guts sprayed the area red. Several people took out their umbrellas and continued with what they were doing. After the explosion was over, Aladdun picked up his liver and put it in his pocket. "Believe me" he said to the group. "People on eBay will buy_ anything_."

The group kept walking until they found the palace. After entering the doors, they noticed something was terribly wrong.

"Why is there a crocodile in the swimming pool?!" Aladdun growled. "I told Jasmine that if we got any more pets, it would be a hamster!"

The crocodile looked up and grinned.

"Why are the pillows moving?!" Iago complained.

The pillows revealed their sharp teeth, threatening the parrot with growls. These were enchanted pillows.

"AND WHY ARE ALL OF THE GUARDS DRESSED IN BLACK?!" Aladdun screamed.

The group looked at each other. "Jasmine is pissed!"

"I mean, she has to be, if she let a crazy ruler take over Agrabah! Not only do the guards want me, but the palace is all screwed up!" Aladdun said, looking at the demonic pillows.

Genie shrugged. "What now?"

Aladdun thought about it. "Maybe we should go to the throne room."

"To demand an explanation?" Genie asked eagerly.

Aladdun looked like he just won the lottery. "That's a great idea!"

"Why else go to the throne room?' asked Iago.

"To sit on the throne." Aladdun said with a smile. "That chair looks comfy!"

"And this is supposed to be the hero and savior of the Seven Deserts?" Iago muttered to Abu.

The group made way to the throne room. After busting up several of the demonic pillows, killing the crocodile, stabbing the guards, tearing the wallpaper, smashing vases, breaking broomsticks, swinging on ropes that hung from the ceiling, picking up coins off of the ground, drinking genie juice, ice-skating, burning books, jumping on Jasmine's bed, eating hot dogs, and throwing apples at the wall, they finally made it to the door of the throne room.

"Once we go past that door, life as we know it will change" Aladdun whispered. "Forever."

The group gave Aladdun a questioning look.

"JUST KIDDING!" Aladdun squealed. He flung the doors open and barged right in. Without knocking.

Little did they know....that the street rat was right for once.

Once they were in the throne room, the group froze. There, they came face to face with Nasira, the new ruler of Agrabah.

**Aladdun: DUN DUN DUN! **

**Author: Damn, I'm so glad Chapter 2 is done.**

**Aladdun: Why? I wanted it to go on foreverrrrrr!**

**Author: Are you kidding? Writing about you is a horrible experience for me. Any person, good or bad, shouldn't have to go through this.**

**Aladdun: D:**

**Author: Don't give me that look! If you don't stop being annoying, I'll kill you off in the end!**

**Aladdun: But you can't do that! The hero ALWAYS wins. :) **

**Author: I'll make this story an exception.**

**Aladdun: But if you do that, your ratings will plummet!**

**Author: ARRGH! Fine. *mumbles* **_People just don't know what GOOD literature is anymore!_

**Aladdun: :)**

**Author: Seriously, what happened to tragic endings? D:**


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3:**

Aladdun stared at the lady standing in front of the throne, _his _throne.

"Dang, Jasmine! Did you just get taller, thinner, older, and eviler overnight?" Aladdun asked. "I know you're pissed off, but seriously, that's taking it overboard."

Genie smacked his forehead. Iago did the same. So did the monkey.

"And this is supposed to be the hero and savior of the Seven Deserts?" Iago muttered to Abu.

Aladdun screamed as a ball of fire hit him. He fell to the ground. "And now you could shoot fireballs?!" Aladdun screamed. "Why didn't you every tell me any of this stuff? Didn't you trust me?" Tears formed in his eyes. "Why? WHHHHHHYYYYY?!!!!"

"I'm not Jasmine." the lady spoke. Her voice didn't sound like Jasmine.

"Dang, did you drink sawdust?" Aladdun asked. He earned another fireball. Aladdun was now sizzling.

"Are you retarded?!" the lady yelled. "I'm not Jasmine! Jasmine is gone, I banished her-"

"LIES!" Aladdun screamed. He picked up his sword and charged at the lady. "Turning into a tall, thin, evil-looking bitch is one thing, but pretending that you aren't her and that you banished her is another! I'm sorry, Jasmine, but I don't think it's going to work out."

"Aladdun!" Genie hollered. "She's telling the truth!"

Aladdun won't listen. But then...he slipped on an orange peel. The sword went flying out of his hands and landed on a guard nearby. He died from the wounds seconds later. Aladdun was on the ground. His leg was broken.

"You aren't Jasmine." Aladdun coughed. "Jasmine doesn't leave orange peels on the ground, she leaves banana peels!"

The lady rolled her eyes. "My name is Nasira. You killed my brother. Prepare to die."

Aladdun looked shocked. "Really?"

Nasira nodded.

Aladdun smiled.

Nasira glared at him.

Aladdun still smiled.

"Guards!" Nasira called. "Take him to the dungeon! I'll be there to torture him in a minute."

Aladdun looked shocked. "What did I do?!" he whined.

"I just said, you killed my brother." Nasira said, impatiently.

"I don't recall anything." Aladdun claimed.

"My brother was Jafar. He died because you stuffed him into a small lamp. Jafar hates tight spaces, so he died of depression."

"Oh yeah, I remember!" Aladdun said. "Man that was fun stuffing him in there!"

Nasira's eyes turned red. "YOU WILL PAY FOR KILLING HIM, STREET RAT!" she screamed. "I'LL SNAP YOUR NECK, TEAR YOUR THROAT OUT, PLUCK YOUR EYES OUT, CUT YOUR TONGUE, REMOVE YOUR LIMBS ONE BY ONE-"

"Geez, calm down!" Aladdun said. "He tried to kill me first!"

"It's true!" Genie spoke up. "Jafar threw him off a cliff!"

"I don't care!" Nasira growled.

The guards grabbed Aladdun and dragged him to the dungeon. "HEY!" Aladdun shouted at Genie. "Aren't you doing to help me?"

Genie hesitated and then checked his watch. "Oh, gee, look at the time! I have to go to work now!"

"You don't even have a job!"

"I do now."

Aladdun sulked. "Iago?" he asked.

Iago had fled.

"Abu?"

The monkey was busy eating the orange peel.

"Nasira?" he asked, hopefully.

"Why would I help you when I was the one who ordered you to be taken to the dungeon in the fisr place?" Nasira said, crossing her arms.

Aladdun sighed. She was right.

"I need more friends." Aladdun complained. "Maybe being friends with humans instead of animals and a genie is smart."

"Actually, my pet rocks make good friends" one of the guards said.

"Just shut up and take me to the dungeon" Aladdun snapped.

And so, Aladdun was taken to the dungeon to be tortured.

**Aladdun: DUN DUN DUN! **

**Author: Will you stop doing that? It's already getting old.**

**Aladdun: So, what's going to happen to me next chapter?**

**Author: You'll see. :D**

**Aladdun: When?**

**Author: Next Chapter -_-**

**Aladdun: I hope she doesn't kill me. Will she?**

**Author: :D**

**Aladdun: *gulps***

**Author: It serves you right for being stupid. Aladdin would have NEVER mistakened Nasira to be Jasmine. Then again, Aladdin wouldn't do 99.9% of the things you do.**

**Aladdun: Wait...who's Aladdin? **

**Author: Nevermind.**

**Aladdun: Shame...I want to meet him. He sounds incredible!**


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4:**

Aladdun was dragged to the dungeon, broken leg and all. After being dragged down ten flights of stairs, he finally was thrown into a jail cell. The guards locked the door and left, pointing and laughing.

Aladdun sighed. Everything was falling apart. Genie abandoned him, Iago flew away, Abu is probably still chewing on the yummy orange peel, Jasmine is gone, and he let down his mentally insane father. Aladdun failed at life.

He wanted to go home and read porno magazines.

Aladdun tried opening the door. It was locked.

"Awwwwww!" he whined. He forgot it was locked, even after being in the cell for ten seconds. "I'll never get out!" he complained.

Aladdun looked at his broken leg. "I wished I never met Jasmine. Jafar could have her!" he pouted. He could have been working on a conspiracy to take the palace for himself, instead of wooing the princess.

And now Nasira was going to make him pay. Aladdun checked his pockets for money. He was broke, except for the liver he took from the fat guard earlier. "Maybe she accept this for currency." he thought. Women love guts, especially evil ones. Aladdun wondered if she'll eat it. That would be arousing.

The door opened suddenly. Aladdun lept to his feet, but due to a broken leg, he collapsed, damaging it further. "OWWWWWW!" he screamed.

Nasira rolled her eyes. She didn't expect her brother's murderer to _that _stupid. She sort of expected a brave, fearless adventurer who would do anything to rescue his loved ones and would even risk his life.

Instead, there was a scrawny street rat with a broken leg and someone's liver in his hand. _But where did he get that?_

"I am going to hurt you so bad that by the time I'm done, you won't be able to speak your own name!" she growled.

"ALADDUN! ALADDUN! ALADDUN!" Aladdun screamed. Nasira stared at him. "What? I just proved you wrong! I can still speak my own name! What now, bi-OTCH?"

"Do you really think I'm already finished with you?" Nasira said, struggling to keep calm. "I just walked in!"

Aladdun looked like he just saw his father die of a ninja attack. "Well, you can't blame a guy for hoping." he protested. "Plus, I can easily outrun you!" Aladdun stuck his tongue out at her and began dragging himself away from Nasira. Nasira took a few steps forward and whacked Aladdun's head with her staff. Aladdun moaned and stopped crawling. "Why is my leg broken?" he cried. Aladdun remembered the liver. He held it up to Nasira. "You can have it if you let me go."

"No." she said.

"Why not?" he whined.

"Because I want your heart."

"AWWWWWWWWWW!" Aladdun cooed, batting his eyelashes. "Did I ever tell you how...how..." Aladdin searched for the correct word. "...thin, you are?" Aladdun blushed and leaned forward tried to kiss her.

Nasira screamed like a little girl and jumped back several feet like Aladdun had the plague (he did) Her face paled into a sick white and looked like she was about to throw up. "NO!" she screamed, smacking him hard across the face. "What I meant was I want you heart torn out and mutilated into several tiny pieces and then burned to ashes and spread across a manure field!"

Aladdun looked heartbroken. "Oh"

"Besides, you're hideous." she said.

Aladdun sobbed."I know. I look nothing like Aladdin! He's handsome and I look like a RAT!"

Nasira looked confused for a moment and then smiled evilly. "Time to die a painful, agonizing death." She pulled a fork out of her pocket and stabbed Aladdun's eye. She pulled it out and threw it out the window. A crow picked it up and flew away. Aladdun made a silent note to buy an eyepatch once he got out of jail. After having his other leg borken and his arms snapped, Nasira stabbed him until he stopped breathing.

She laughed evilly and threw the body into the dumpster.

"See you in hell!" she called. Maybe then, she'll date him.

But Aladdun wasn't dead. Genie found Aladdun, barely alive. While Genie healed his wounds, Iago beat up the crow and reclaimed Aladdun's eye. The eye was damaged, so when it was put back into Aladdun's socket, he could only see purple out of that eye. Within a few hours, Aladdun was healed. All thanks to phenomenal cosmic healing powers.

Aladdun hugged them. "Thanks guys, you're the best! And to think I actually considered replacing you all with a new rock collection!"

"And this is supposed to be the hero and savior of the Seven Deserts?" Iago muttered to Abu.

"You actually tried to kiss her?" Genie yelled once Aladdun told him about the dungeon scene. Aladdun smiled.

"Yeah, but she must had known I was inflected with the plague recently." Aladdun grinned.

"Are you sure it wasn't because you're ugly?" Genie asked.

"Nope!" Aladdun smiled. "She would totally dig me!"

Genie smiled. "Glad to have you back." Then he frowned. "Now get your scrawny ass up and go kick Nasira's ass back to hell!"

Aladdun saluted him. "YES SIR!"

**NOTE: Sorry for the long wait! I'll try to update more often. *dives from flying tomatoes***


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5:**

Aladdun and the gang barely moved an inch when Nasira popped up out in front of them.

"Naz-na...OH FUCK I CAN'T SAY YOUR NAME!" Aladdun turned to Genie. "A little help?"

"NASIRA!" Genie exclaimed, shocked.

"What are you doing here?" Aladdun finished for Genie.

"I forgot to do something important." Nasira replied, exasperated. She grabbed Genie and stuffed him in a cannon. She aimed it towards the Cave of Wonders and lit it. In moments, Genie was gone.

"GENIE!" Aladdun sobbed like a newborn pig. "Now I'm stuck with a pigeon and a monkey!"

"And this is supposed to be the hero and savior of the Seven Deserts?" Iago muttered to Abu.

"Is that all you're capable of saying?" Nasira snapped at the parrot. ""You've muttered that line four times now."

"How would you know that?" Aladdun pointed out. "You've only been around to hear him say that twice! Once in the throne room and now here."

"Um..."

"YOU'VE BEEN SPYING ON US!" Aladdun roared. "Now I don't feel bad about installing that camera in your shower!"

"WHAT?"

"Don't worry, you're not the only one." Iago laughed. "He installed cameras in Jasmine's, Sadira's, and Mirage's showers too."

Aladdun grinned like a horse. "Plus three fourths of the women in Agrabah."

Nasira went pale again, this time she was completely white. "I...uh...gotta go!" She vanished.

Aladdun turned to the monkey and the parrot. "Now what?"

Iago squawked and Abu made monkey sounds.

Aladdun thought for a moment.

_Two hours later..._

"I got it!" Aladdun screamed. "Let's go wander in the Oasis until something happens!"

"IT TOOK YOU TWO HOURS TO THINK UP THAT SHIT?" Iago smacked Aladdun on the head.

"You got a better idea, pigeon?"

"Nope."

And they so they wandered for forty minutes and forty seconds.

Aladdun had a long white beard and a cane. Iago and Abu also had beards. "Can we please take these off?" Iago whined. "They itch!"

"NEVER!" Aladdun roared. "I paid good money for these!"

Iago read the price tag on Aladdun's beard. "These cost a nickel."

Aladdun repeated every curse word in the book in alphabetical order. "I PAID THE MERCHANT TEN DOLLARS FOR THESE!"

"He swindled you."

Aladdun ripped his fake beard off. "I'VE BEEN TRICKED!" he screamed.

He threw it down the sewer. Iago and Abu did the same. Before Aladdun could make any more stupid remarks, he saw a large purple tent. "Jackpot!" He ran towards it.

"Aladdun, stop!" Iago yelled. "You can't barge into someone's tent!"

"Nonsense! Finders keepers!" Aladdun ran inside, knocking the guard out of the way. The guard just so happened to fall into a pit of lions a few yards away from the entrance. And that was the end of him.

"We can't say we didn't try." Iago and Abu followed Aladdun inside.

The three found themselves with company.

**NOTE: This parody thrives on OOC Aladdin characters. *dives from rotten tomatoes, while the crowd boos***


End file.
